Yadda,
Yadda, Yoda
|
Ah,
the all-knowing Jedi Master, Yoda. Tell you what you
don't know, he will. Have you ever watched the Trilogy?
I mean *really* watched the Trilogy? Did you see all
the Bloopers? Huh? Bloopers? Yes, Bloppers, there are!
Tell you about them, he will. The next time *YOU* watch
the Trilogy, look for these directorial Bloopers, you
will, Yes!!
Blooper #1: Quick-Draw Storm
Trooper
SCENE: Vader interrogates on of the rebels on board
the Blockade Runner as to the whereabouts of the Death
Star plans.
EVENT: Watch the leftmost stormtrooper. At the beginning
of this scene, he is holding his blaster at his waist.
As the camera cuts to a different angle, the trooper
is holding the gun up to his chest, and as the camera
cuts back to the original angle, the gun is back by
the trooper's waist.
Blooper #2: Vader's chain gang
SCENE: During the Blockade Runner invasion, when Princess
Leia is brought before Darth Vader.
EVENT: When Vader is interrogating Leia, the first time
we get a full face shot of him is when he says, "I want
to know what happened to the plans they sent you." Look
at his neck chain that holds his cape together; it is
on top of the lip of his collar. The camera cuts back
to Leia and then it goes back to Vader. Now, the chain
has worked it's way underneath his collar. As the shot
cuts back, Vader yells "Take her away!". Now, the magic
cape chain has moved yet again, back above the lip of
his collar.
Blooper
#3: Wipe that smile off your face, Princess!
SCENE: Leia is about to hand out the medals at the victory
ceremony after the Death Star's destruction.
EVENT: We have a close up of Han Solo and then we cut
back to Leia who is displaying a very wide smile. She
turns to our right to General Dodonna to get Solo's
medal, but when the camera immediately shows us a slightly
wider angle, Leia's mouth is closed. Oops!
Blooper
#4: The hands are quicker than the Jedi...
SCENE: Luke and Leia are on the bridge that needed to
be extended.
EVENT: Luke throws the grappling line up and prepares
to swing across. Leia throws both of her arms around
Luke's neck and gives him a kiss. But when we instantly
cut to a far shot of the pair swinging across, Leia's
hands are clinging to his waist.
Blooper
#4: What's one more blaster, between friends?
SCENE: Our heros are battling in the corridor of the
detention block.
EVENT: Luke uses the comlink to call up to the droids
in the Death Star control room to ask how to get out.
On the right of the screen, next to the red and black
computer panels, there is a gun rack, which is stocked
with three blaster rifles. Later on in the movie, when
the stormtroopers barge into the control room with the
droids, the gun rack has four rifles in it.
Blooper
#5: They just don't make starships like they used to...
SCENE: The Millennium Falcon is caught by the Death
Star's tractor beam and is being pulled on board the
station.
EVENT: As the Falcon enters the hanger bay of the Death
Star, watch the bottom centre of the ship as it passes
through the hanger door. The edge of the door is lit
with a white light, but as the ship passes through,
the light is "broken" by the vertical pole that was
used to hold the model of the ship.
Blooper
#6: Unfinished Falcon
SCENE: Chewbacca escorts Luke, Ben, Threepio and Artoo
into Docking Bay 94 for their first glimpse of the Falcon.
EVENT: The camera pans from the left of the screen where
our heroes enter, to the right, where the Falcon is
parked. Take note of the top right of the screen. The
Falcon is missing it's trademark radar dish.
Blooper
#7: Even Aliens don't know *when* to say *when*
SCENE: Just after Ben and Luke bargain with Solo and
Chewie for transport aboard the Falcon.
EVENT: After Han says "It looks like someone's beginning
to take an interest in your handy work," the camera
pans over the crowded bar to a pair of stormtroopers
walking there way. If you look in the middle of the
screen for the "mousy" alien with the see-through eyes,
as he takes a drink of his beverage, he clearly misses
his mouth and hits his chin instead.
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"Stump
you I will, yes!"
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How
about some *REAL* Star Wars trivia? Do, or do not. There
is no try.
See the very, very bottom of this page for the ANSWERS!
Episode IV - A New Hope
1. What was the name of Princess Leia's home planet?
2. What was the preferred weapon of the sandpeople?
3. What job did Uncle Owen say that Luke's father had?
4. Who was R2-D2's and C-3PO's last captain?
5. Where did Luke want to attend school?
6. What was Luke's call-sign during the battle to destroy
the Death Star?
7. Which two pilots (full names) covered Luke on the
final attack run of the dreaded Death Star?
8. What kind of creatures did Luke used to bulls-eye
in his T-16 back home?
9. The secret Rebel base was located on the fourth moon
of what planet?
10. What was Leia's cell number on the Death Star?
Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
1. What planet was the Rebel base hidden on at the beginning
of the movie?
2. What was Han Solo's call sign?
3. What kind of animal were Luke and Han riding on in
the freezing cold?
4. What were the odds of Han and Luke surviving the
night outside the rebel base, as given by R2-D2?
5. How many forms of communication was C-3PO fluent
in?
6. Han said Luke looked strong enough to pull the ears
off of what type of creature?
7.
In a vision, where did Obi-Wan tell Luke to go?
8. What damaged part of the Millenium Falcon kept Han
from making the jump to lighspeed?
9. Who did Luke go to see on Dagobah?
10. What does the Jedi never use the Force for?
Episode VI - Return Of The Jedi
1. What was the call sign of Vader's shuttle?
2. What was the name of the bounty hunter who delivered
Chewbacca to Jabba the Hut in "Return Of The Jedi"
?
3. What price did the bounty hunter at Jabba's palace
finally agree to give Chewbacca up for?
4. What was the name of the singer in Jabba's court?
5. What planet was Jabba's Palace on?
6. What was the name of Jabba's major-domo who talked
to R2-D2 and C-3P0 when they entered Jabba's palace?
7. What type of droid is C-3PO?
8. What is the name of the small reptilian creature
in Jabba's palace who is always laughing?
9. When Han Solo was freed from the carbonite, what
was he suffering from?
10. The pit that Han Solo and Luke Skywalker were to
be thrown into was known as the resting place for which
creature?
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How many Ewoks does it take...
Star Wars vs. Star Trek
(coming
soon!)
Believe
it or not, these two Sci-Fi institutions have a lot of
things in common. You just have to gain the right perspective...
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To The Top!]
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Rejected Kenner Action Figures
1)
"Luke in Bactine Tank" A favorite scene from "Empire"
recreated in miniature, complete with a removable diaper
for Luke. Unfortunately, it was found that the glowing
bactine wash posed a radioactive health hazard for tykes.
2) "Missile Hand Luke" Luke doll with a special lever
on his back which causes his artificial hand to shoot
off at 25 mph. Manufacturers recalled it when hands started
finding their way into eyeballs, windpipes, and other
orifices.
3) "Exploding Death Star" Potential radiation burn/shrapnel
hazard, which did not keep kids from recreating the scene
with their own "normal" Death Star and a few M-60's.
4) "Black Princess Leia" Promoted as competition for Mattel's
popular "Black Disco Barbie"; did not find expected level
of popularity.
5) "Incredible Shavable Han Solo" Sprouted real hair;
failed miserably when tested on real kids.
6) "Dissect An Ewok Kit" The deal was off when Play-doh
pulled out at the last minute.
7) "Nit-laden Chewbacca" Concept behind this was that
kids would enjoy picking nits off of a large, furry Chewbacca.
Didn't do well, since it came with real nits which quickly
spread to other parts of the house.
8) The Ugnaught figures made from Genetically altered
mice. PETA sank that one real quick.
9) Emperor Palpatine Doll/Tesla Coil. Hey kids, real lightning!
Kill your enemies! Nixed due to obvious danger of children
accidentally running up huge power bills.
10) Full scale working Death Star Kit. Kenner built one
fully working model, but it was destroyed. They were halfway
finished with their second when it too was destroyed.
Plans were scrapped to build any more.
11) Darth Vader Funeral Pyre. They couldn't figure out
how to make a character who had been 4 inches tall and
thin into a character 2.5 inches tall and fat as a slug
once you removed his helmet. Also a problem with the fact
that it only worked once.
12) Aunt Beru doll. Nixed as just plain stupid. A huge
loss to those fans of Bok Choi and blue Kool-aid out there.
13) "Real-Guts" Tauntaun. Also referred to as "The Visible
Tauntaun." Once you pulled off the skin, you could see
all the internal organs. Much like real tauntauns, it
stank to high heaven. Other problem: Like similar toy
"The Visible Man," Visible Tauntaun's organs never went
back in right and you were always left with an extra organ
or two.
14) "Learn the Force At Home" Kit. Included self-hypnosis
training tapes and rocks to lift. Recalled after thousands
of children with no strong parental figure turned to the
Dark Side, killing their parents and saying things like
"You are part of the Rebel Alliance and you did not make
me the type of sandwich that I like!" while strangling
them from across the room.
15) "Fun Fusion Grenade." Seen in the exciting throneroom
scene in Return of the Jedi where a disguised Leia holds
it up to bluff out Jabba the Hutt. Problem was, the kids
didn't understand the concept of a fusion grenade and
would often actually detonate it while trying to bluff
their parents into extending their bedtime.
16) "Mr. Hutt-Head." A Mr. Potato Head ripoff which had
a Jabba body and a series of switchable heads with the
faces of famous fat people. See Rush The Hutt, Willard
The Hutt, John Candy The Hutt, etc. Nixed when famous
fat people got angry at being identified with Pizza Hutt.
(they just didn't get it).
17) Pimp Lando Figure. Lando as a loc-ed out pimp daddy.
Long brown leather coat, straight razor, huge afro, gold
tooth, etc. Actually molded, packaged, and ready to be
shipped when the makers of the Shaft figures sued for
copyright infringement.
18) Dead Admiral Doll. Well, Vader killed so many Admirals
in the three movies that Kenner figured that there should
be a doll. Problem was, he couldn't be posed and would
always fall over in a heap. Kids decided they could fake
it with a normal Admiral doll and chose not to purchase
this no-spined rubbery thing.
19) Roller Disco Cloud City Worker. Roller Disco went
out of fashion, so the skakes were cut off and the hair
removed, and thus the figure was converted to Lando's
Pal Lobot with the weird headphones.
20) Voices of the Dead Driving Headset. The voice of Ben
Kenobi helps You drive around town. "Watch out for the
brown van, Luke!" "The light is about to turn green, Luke!"
Actually a great help for drivers, but failed on the market
due to the fact that not very many people are named Luke,
and no one likes a back seat driver.
21) Talking Stormtroopers. Pull a string on their chest
and they would say things like "There's one, set for stun!"
or "Look Sir, Droids!" During production the voiceboxes
got switched with talking Barbie. The stormtroopers ended
up saying things like: "Gosh, math is so hard!" and "Let's
Go Shopping!" while Barbie barked out "What do you mean,
radiation leak?"
22) Speaking of Radiation Leaks, the best toy of all:
The Death Star Detention center. Eventually it was toned
down to two lame rooms in the 4-story death star playset,
but it was originally conceived of as a set all to itself,
with rooms such as "bullshit communications center" where
you try to talk your way out of tight fixes with such
lies as "oh, weapons misfire." The hallway of harmless
light: fifty stormtroopers pump bolts of laser fire down
the hall where you and your four friends have no harm
done to you, even though you have no cover to speak of.
The best part about the detention center was that it included
some cool dolls: "torture/interrogation droid," "giggling
Moff Tarkin doll," and "flayed flesh Leia," not to mention
"stupid gullible guard" doll. Eventually stopped by Kenner
brass who noticed that playtesting kids were getting a
little too into the torture room. Fearful of breeding
a generation of Salvadorean Death Squads, they pulled
the plug on this toy.
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Obi-Wan, Obla-da
(coming
soon!)
We
all know that composer John Williams wrote the score for
the original Star Wars Trilogy, and now Episode 1: The
Phantom Menace. But what you don't know is...
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May The Pants Be With You
|
Take
classic Star Wars lines like "Judge me by my size,
do you?" (from Yoda, Empire Strikes Back) and replace
certain words in the dialogue with the word "Pants".
Like this "Judge me by my pants, do you?"
It's outrageous. And it gives
an entire new feel to the Trilogy ;)
"Judge me by my pants, do you?" --Yoda
"General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault."
--Vader
"You look strong enough to pull the pants of a Gundark."
--Han
"Your pants will freeze before you reach the first marker!"
--Deck Officer
"I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants." --Yoda
"You certainly have a way with pants." --Leia
"Adventure, hah! Pants, hah! A Jedi craves not these
things." --Yoda
"And I thought pants smelled bad, on the outside." --Han
"Your pants, you will not need them." --Yoda
"Lord Vader, we only use these pants for carbon freezing.
If you put him in there, it might kill him." --Lando
"I am altering the pants. Pray I do not alter them any
further." --Vader
"My pants are dirty." --Leia
"My pants are dirty too. What are you afraid of?" --Han
"The pants can only be opened for a short time, so you'll
have to stay very close to your transports." --Leia
"No! No, no! Stay and help you, I will. *laughs* Find
your pants, hmm?" --Yoda
"Bounty Hunters. We don't need their pants." --Captain
Piett
"Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your pants."
--Vader
"Put Captain Solo in the cargo pants." --Bobba Fett
"Search your pants. You know it to be true." --Darth
Vader
"I'm not looking for pants, I'm looking for a Jedi Master!"
--Luke
"Pants not make one great." --Yoda "Having some trouble
with your pants?" --Lando
"I happen to like nice pants." --Leia "Feel the pants
flowing through you" --Yoda
"Pants are a perfectly acceptable solution." --C3PO
"He's no good to me in pants." --Bobba Fett (there's
another one!!) "There isn't enough life on this ice-cube
to fill my pants." --Han
"Laugh it up, fuzzball! You didn't see us alone in the
pants." --Han
"But I think you just can't bear to let a gorgeous guy
like me out of your pants." --Han
"I don't want your help. I want my pants back. I'm going
to need it to get out of this slimy mudhole." --Luke
"Mudhole? Slimy? My pants these are!"---Yoda
"I don't know where you get your pants, laserbrain."
--Leia
"You see, I've just made a deal that will keep the Empire
out of my pants forever." --Lando
"Well, Your Worship, it looks like you arranged to keep
me in your pants for a while longer." --Han
"Sir, the pants are dropping too rapidly." --Deck Officer
"But Master Yoda! How will I know the good pants from
the bad?" --Luke
"You're lucky pants don't taste very good." --Luke
"The Emporer commands you to make pants with him." --Piett
"Why you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy looking pants
herder!" --Leia
"What if he doesn't survive, his pants are worth a lot
to me" --Fett
"I'm altering the pants. Pray I don't alter them further"
--Vader
"These pants are getting worse all the time!" --Lando
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My
Review Of Star Wars, Episode 1 - The Panthom Menace
...for the record, it was the
most visually-appealing movie I've ever seen.
Like most fans, I'll see it
again. Preferrably soon. Is it possible to be *so* overwhelmed
with a movie, that you're...underwhelmed?
Although it *originally* didn't start out this way, the Star
Wars empire has turned into a total movie for kids. Hey, that's
great. Give the little ones hope for the future, even though
they might not have one. But being good for kids does not a
good movie make...for me.
The
story. I suppose not as thin as it could have
been, but again, you have to appeal to kids. So, delving into
the cool stuff *I* wanted to hear about - like the formation
of the Jedi, the mystery behind the Force - was really skimmed
over for easy dialogue that kids would enjoy, and people like
me wouldn't get *too* annoyed about.
 |
Jar
Jar Binks. The first time I saw Star Wars
- Episode 1, I thought Jar Jar was an extremely annoying
character. It wasn't just his sillyness, it was the
language George Lucas thought to bestow upon him: a
mix of his own son's gibberish and some cheesy lines
from early-90's Saturday Night Live.
It's
still easy to say that Jar Jar is 90% comical relief,
but I appreciated the character after seeing Star Wars
a second time. I still don't think his dialogue adds
*anything* to the movie, but a good friend pointed out
something to me: remember when "Jedi" came
out...remember the "Ewoks". Yeah, 'nuff said.
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Mace
Windu. What's a brother to do? My opinion
hasn't changed much about Samuel L. Jackson's portrayal
of a Jedi Master. His character was literally written
into Episode 1 last minute, or so they say. That's honestly
too bad. If his character never sees the light of day
again, I definetely won't be disappointed. I was hoping
for more of a "cult" character for Samuel,
like Lando Calrissian, or Wedge, or fuck, even Bobba
Fett.
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Anakin,
Queen Amidala. Fantastic performances. Can't
wait to see Episode 2 (which, I'm told, is going to
be more of a love-story between these two characters.
I'm not kidding here.)
Natalie Portman is a stunningly beautiful young woman,
though her Queen's wardrobe in Episode 1 distracted
from the fact that she's also a very natural beauty.
Jake Lloyd carries himself with poise *and* silliness,
onscreen and off. It's too bad he's so much younger
than Portman; the love story between Anakin Skywalker
and the Queen will unfortunately not unfold between
Lloyd and Portman. More likely, an older actor will
be cast as Anakin in Episode 2.
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 |
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Ewan
McGregor as Obi-Wan. Second time's a bit of
a charm. I sat close - almost too close - to the theatre
screen on my second viewing of Episode 1. Ewan's Obi-Wan
seemed so much more impressive up close like that. Especially,
the lightsaber duels with Darth Maul. Initially I thought
his Obi-Wan was a little stale. I've changed my mind.
It's never been in Lucas' vision to give his Jedi apprentices
particularly deep dialogue, so why start now ;) |
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Darth
Maul. My biggest disappointment ;( Total,
total waste of a good character. When I heard from a
friend (only hours before we went to see the movie)
that the person who played Darth Maul would have his
natural voice overdubbed, I knew it could only mean
one thing: not a lot of lines for this character. My
biggest beef is that Jar Jar had wayyyyyyy too many
lines, and Darth Maul had almost none.
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"Extension Of The Racial Stereo-Types."
What? You didn't see these? Maybe I'm looking too deep into
this, but did anyone else have a problem with:
(a) The greedy, backstabbing aliens, that just happened
to talk a LOT LIKE the Japanese?
(b) Mr. Street- (or Forest-)Wise brother himself Jar Jar.
Someone feed him a cheesy line. No, wait. Done that. Why didn't
they just get Chris Rock to play this character?
(c) He's the part alien, part hummingbird, all money-grubbing,
big-nosed Jew. He's Watto. That stereotype really hurt. It
really did. I couldn't believe that.
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Star
Wars Warning Labels: (from 'Late Show With David Letterman')
...to be honest, I don't find
David Letterman *that* funny anymore. Gag. But every once
in a while he pulls a rabbit out of a hat, so to speak...this
rip at Star Wars is just toooooo perfect!
WARNING LABEL #1:
WARNING: This toothpaste
is a prequel to irreversible gum disease.
WARNING LABEL #2:
WARNING:
By the time you complete this puzzle, George Lucas will have
made another $1 billion.
WARNING LABEL #3:
WARNING:
Made by people working long, long hours, earning low, low
wages in a country far, far away.
WARNING LABEL #4:
NOTE: Like the movie,
pillow is 80% filler. WARNING: Hide this if you ever manage
to get a girl in your room.
WARNING LABEL #5:
WARNING:
The real puzzle is who buys this crap.
WARNING LABEL #6:
WARNING: You'll be checking this
frequently during the movie.
WARNING LABEL #7:
WARNING: If you
wear these, not even The Force will help you get lucky.
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